March 29, 2012

In October, Jill & I applied to become adoptive parents.

(The future-baby’s nickname is “Peanut.”  A food name, of course.)

There are many reasons I have not written about this before, which I’m sure you can appreciate.  The baby thing is a very intimate and emotional process for everyone, regardless of whether they conceive or adopt, are straight or gay, single or coupled, face infertility or get pregnant right away—as much fun as it is to share such exciting news, all of the unknowns make it a little bit nerve-wracking, too.

But when I sat down to write today’s blog post and tried to write about other things, it all came out like a bunch of disingenuous crap.  Because it was.  Because the truth is, I cannot think about much else these days besides the Peanut.  And how much I hate waiting for him or her.

Please note: I know that six months—our wait time so far—is not a very long time at all, not really.  I know that most adoptive couples wait two or three times that long, at least, and I know that there are many, many, many biological parents who face their own heartbreaking roads of infertility and sorrow.  I have walked with friends through a few of these experiences, and my own parents endured several miscarriages and years of grief before they had a healthy child (me).  I do not wish to compare, demean, or judge.  I can only talk about what it’s like over here for me, with the hope that my sharing about it may be of use to someone else.

I am a card-carrying control freak.  I often wish so desperately that I weren’t, but in my thrown nature, that’s who I am.  I love to plan things almost as much as I love to eat—scary but true.  I am good at getting shit done, and this makes me useful in many, many situations.  But not this one.

Everywhere I go, there are babies.  There are babies at Target, there are babies at the grocery store, there are pregnant women and new parents all over the school where I work and all up in my Twitter feed and in my group of friends.  There were ridiculously adorable babies all over Washington D.C. whom my awesome boss offered to help me steal, though I don’t think it will come to that.  But if it does, y’all will cover my bail money, right?

Deep down inside, underneath the control freak I hilariously try to control to be less controlling, there is a faithful woman who trusts and is patient.  I know that a baby will come our way, and that that baby will be our baby, and life will never be the same.  I can’t wait—but I will have to.  And I’m not sure for how long.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a few peanut-related recipes, from this blog and others, and my very sincere thanks for being out there, and reading.  Your presence is meaningful always, but especially today.  I needed you.  Thank you.


salted peanut cookies with white chocolate
peanut butter-almond butter cookies
peanut butter pie
boiled peanuts
peanut butter banana bread


shrimp pad thai
Vietnamese egg rolls with peanut sauce
lime & peanut coleslaw


peanut butter dog treats



  1. That is going to be one lucky peanut!

    Comment by Rachel — March 29, 2012 @ 9:19 pm

  2. You already know.

    Comment by Katherine — March 29, 2012 @ 9:26 pm

  3. When I was waiting for my adopted baby, it was eternal. It is much harder than pregnancy, which we all know will last no longer than 9 months. There is a seemingly endless stretch of days because the date the peanut comes is a week or a year away…very difficult to plan!
    But, let me assure you, when the Peanut arrives, you will know that the wait was just what it needed to be and you will marvel at how this little being, so perfect for your family, managed to find you.

    Comment by Lisa Brooks — March 29, 2012 @ 10:25 pm

  4. I’m sitting here simply vibrating with glee for I think you and Jill are going to be TERRIFIC mothers!!! What a lucky, lucky, and blessed child!

    No matter how babies come to us, that anticipation is such a huge part of what it means to become parents. It’s hard to wait through, but I think provides a lot of energy and impetus for the hard work part of parenting. It builds up extra energy to get through the difficult parts, for there are hard parts!! But like anything worth doing, that hard work is worth it, too!

    I am just SO thrilled for you both!

    Comment by Paris Karin (an alien parisienne) — March 30, 2012 @ 12:53 am

  5. Ahhhhhh!!! 🙂

    Comment by Annette Jones — March 30, 2012 @ 10:15 am

  6. Here’s to the peanut, wherever and whenever she or he may be. In the food context, one of our favorite memories is of a long-gone Houston restaurant where we enjoyed a fabulous Georgia peanut soup in honor of Jimmy Carter’s election. My how time flies when you’re having fun. May the time fly quickly and bring lots of good times and a blessed peanut.

    Comment by carolyn truedell — March 30, 2012 @ 1:50 pm

  7. i hope that you and your “peanut” find each other soon. the two of you will be great parents and he/she will be one lucky little being that for sure.

    Comment by jacquie — March 30, 2012 @ 6:54 pm

  8. Rachel–thank you for saying so. I feel grateful for him/her already. If the peanut is a girl, I’m going to be calling you for teenage daughter advice!

    K–I know. thank you.

    Lisa–thank you for sharing your experience. It’s great to hear from folks who’ve been down the same/similar roads. I keep trying to remind myself that this pre-baby time is special in its own way; I am certainly learning to let go of my obsessive planning (at least a little!)

    Karin–you are so kind, thank you. Jill & I feel lucky and blessed, too, to have the opportunity to be parents to a child who needs a family. I know that this hard part will be more than worth it, but sometimes I forget. thanks for the reminder, and much love.

    Annette–that’s what I thought you’d say!

    Carolyn–peanut soup! Now that’s one I’ve never tried. Here’s to time flying…

    jacquie–very kind of you to comment and say so, I truly appreciate it.

    Comment by Blue Jean Gourmet — March 31, 2012 @ 7:45 am

  9. We are very excited–for you, with you! xo

    Comment by Robin Reagler — March 31, 2012 @ 8:01 am

  10. you know my opinion on the topic. i’m sure this peanut will have many many unrelated aunties & uncles who will shower it with love. <3

    Comment by mel — March 31, 2012 @ 12:02 pm

  11. Even though I only know you and Jill through this blog, I am so happy for you two and, in my online way, I am sharing your joy. All the best to you in your upcoming adventure. One thing I know for sure, that child will eat well.

    Comment by Sue — March 31, 2012 @ 2:00 pm

  12. The waiting is really the hardest part. Okay, maybe the all night milk/bottle buffet is hard too. I’m always thinking about you guys.

    Comment by Cheryl Arkison — April 5, 2012 @ 10:56 am

  13. […] kind of email could cause me to grin like a dork?  Why, an email from our adoption agency, of course, saying that we had matched with a birth mother and that we would, if all goes well, […]

    Pingback by BHINDI MASALA AND A BABY — July 11, 2012 @ 11:33 am

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